Yes, it took me almost 20 years to be able to say it, but I have a traumatic brain injury. I am head-injured. There’s really nothing wrong with saying it, but for the first five years or so, I was not willing to tell people the reason I’m a little different.
The problem with that strategy was–for me– that I looked completely normal. People couldn’t understand why I made certain choices, and they didn’t comprehend why I would react the way I did when I was told my actions were inappropriate. It’s not because I’m mean, stupid, crazy or retarded; it was because I had a head injury–and my brain was doing the best it could given the circumstances.
Even the smallest things would set me off: I remember my dad telling me to stop reading and come out of my room when my sister was in town for a visit. That set me off. I wound up getting into a shouting match with him and stormed out the door to the garage, where I slammed my fist into a cinder block wall, shattering my fourth and fifth metacarpals, or the bones between the knuckles and the wrist on the right hand.
I was livid when I did this. It was just a way of acting out–a sort of temper tantrum, if you will. That was about 13 years ago. As a result of this little “temper-fit” I had to have surgery to insert a pin and a plate, along with four screws, to hold the bones together while they healed. Sometimes it still gives me trouble, but now I’m more careful about letting my anger get the best of me.
I have made poor decisions socially, as well. Most of what readily comes to mind is rather embarrassing, but it suffices to say that those choices resulted from my being “socially retarded.” I didn’t always pick up on cues from girls indicating that I was too close or was making them uncomfortable. I was treated by those who knew me before and shortly after my car wreck like I was a toddler. And subsequently, I relied on others to police my behavior. When my parents weren’t there, I felt as though I was free to make my own choices…which I wasn’t always ready to make on my own.
One reason for this situation was that my friends before my brain injury all but disappeared after I emerged from the coma. Granted, we really didn’t have all that much in common anymore, but it was really hard for me to accept that we were in separate places in our lives. While I was trying to make it through my two classes without falling asleep, they were trying to figure out what colleges to apply to, and whom to take to prom.
The disappearance of my friends left me feeling anxious and depressed. I first began to realize that something was wrong with me. I constantly started negative self-talk and began to question why people were staying away from me. When someone like my mother would say, “You don’t always behave appropriately,” I would get defensive, defiant, and even aggressive. Even my reaction to the truth was inappropriate.
So I have taken my love of the written language to the next level: with this blog, I have decided that I want to help others who have sustained acquired brain injury and their families. The goal is to provide hope for them that things (life, in general) do get better, indeed. It just takes a great deal of work in addition to the unwavering love and patience of those in the immediate surroundings.
As always, I’d love to hear what you have to say–if you yourself have acquired brain injury or if a loved-one has sustained brain trauma. Feel free to comment or shoot me an email if you’d prefer to keep your story more private.
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It’s great to have another voice out there, helping people better understand brain injury and how we recover (’cause we do
The more of us who speak up and tell it like it is — and show that we’re NOT deficient, just because our brains got rewired at some point — the better.
Looking forward to reading what you have to say.
BB
That’s what I think, BB. The greater we can make the awareness that TBI survivors are functional, just a little different, the better. Most people are surprised when I tell them I’m head-injured. I have often heard that “I never would have thought you had a head injury.” Well, Surprise! I sure do. And I think God is using me and my ability to write to help others in similar situations.
I love reading your blog, too. Most of the time I’m able to take your ideas and run with them to make my own post, or just apply them to my own life. Talk to you soon!
M
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by OnthMarkWriting. OnthMarkWriting said: True-life head-injured survivor talks. http://tinyurl.com/257kgyt [...]
Thank for sharing your information. My 26 year old son had a severe TBI 4 years ago and life has been hard for him..and the family. All of his so called friends and even family don’t see him. They believe he can control all of his actions and behavior and only see the physical disability such as wearing a leg brace and the scar from head surgery. I just don’t know what else I can do to help him recover. He is Very easy to anger and bangs his head if he doesn’t get his way or punches the wall. Even though I know he has trouble with self control, I’m having trouble trying to deal with it and need input.
Diana – My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son during this tumultuous time in his recovery.
I understand that his friends don’t come see him. Mine didn’t for a long time. And I burned through friendships like they were match-sticks.
Here’s what worked for me when I displayed undesirable behavior after my head injury: someone (usually a parent or therapist) would tell me that what I was doing was unacceptable. I know it’s difficult, but don’t show him that his actions affect you. He’s probably seeking attention and if you don’t give in, hopefully he’ll stop.
When he get’s angry, try to get him to channel the anger into something constructive. Chopping wood, whether it needed to be chopped or not, gave me a physical workout in addition to allowing me to work out my anger.
Look into local support groups for TBI survivors, also. I’ve attended one, and it seemed like the others in the group had a host of beneficial ideas I could apply to my life–even 21 years after my car wreck.
Thanks for sharing, and feel free to email me directly at onthemarkwriting@gmail.com.
m
Diana, I know exactly what your facing. I had a severe traumatic brain injury in 2003. I was 14 years old when it happened; I’m now 21….. I had so many friends before my accident: with me being Captain of the Cheerleading squad and everything. People just loved me and I loved them. People just change is what I’ve come to the conclusion of. They dont know how to react or respond to their old friends who suffered a TBI. It angers me sooo much. I often get mad too. Then I feel so horrible about the actions I express onto my mother. I do it all to her because, well…. I love her & I know she’ll continue loving me no matter what I say or do to her. I’m not sure if what I said helped you in any way, but I love talking about what I’ve gone through with others who have similar experiences. So any questions you have or things you want to share _ I think thats awesome and would love to give me input on everything.