Medpedia

I really need to thank ZDoggMD for introducing me to Professor Elemental. The more I listen to that song, the more I like it. In fact, I like it so much that I re-wrote the lyrics to call out Jake Crosby, a rabid anti-vaxer who has enrolled at George Washington University to get his Master of Public Health degree in Epidemiology... Like me. (It's the equivalent to a Young Earth Creationist willing to study paleontology.) Yeah, it's been bothering me. So here are my lyrics, to the tune of "fighting trousers"...

Dear Sir, regarding your recent foray
Into epidemiology and the conspiracies you portray
See I don't normally approve of war games
But "He's lying to you" is what they all say
And by Harry, they might be right--
This is science, Jake, not amateur night!
Shelve this epidemiologist impersonation
Let it end now, Jake, your impertinent writing!
You seem a reasonable chap, though what you write is crap
It's not science, Jake, it's a conspiracy trap!
Cause that's not proper, you just don't get it!
Put away your conspiracies or I'll tell you where to shove 'em!

I - Don't like your screeds, sir!
Will - Teach you why vaccines are needed!
Not - Go with who screams the loudest!
Lose.

Hand me my books of science!

I've got topic producers and fans that read me
You've got a disgraced doctor who left the UK, wailing
Don't look around sir, I'm speaking to you
Roll up your shirt sleeves, Science rules!
You wanna test professors with your dumbest bits
Let's settle this like gentlemen: armed with heavy sticks
On a rotating plate, with spikes like Flash Gordon
And you're Peter Duncan; I gave you fair warning
When this JB Handley clone is ranting
Readers click "home" before he begins slandering
A new career might be more rewarding
I'm a right Mnookin peer, you're public health's Piers Morgan

I - Don't like your screeds, sir!
Will - Teach you why vaccines are needed!
Not - Go with who screams the loudest!
Lose.

Hand me my books of science!

I'm not seeing you at clinics with food and gifts,
Dear sir, you're not worthy of this!
Sold out to that Mercola
You call his stuff science
And that means you're banned
From writing with balance!
Hope it's safe to assume you won't do this again
Set foot on our stage and get ruined again
Be out, Little Jake, I've set the egg timer
There's not room in town for two epidemiology writers
Leave town by the time that I put down my pen
Yours, et cetera, et cetera, sincerely, and so forth
Truly,

Epi Ren