I am new to this site and I am not a doctor, but I am a parent of 2 children, and as you can imagine, this conversation has come up a lot, and in different ways.

Broadly speaking, I think anytime a doctor becomes confrontational with a patient, he or she runs the risk of alienating the patient, with unwanted results. On the other hand, I believe that doctors certainly have the right to offer care in a manner that they see fit and be honest and up front with their patients. Obviously honesty and open communication are essential to the doctor/patient relationship. I'll give a few examples.

When my son was born the number, type and schedule of vaccines seemed ridiculous to me. When I first discussed this with our new pediatrician, he sort of rolled his eyes and asked, "has Mothering Magazine come out with another article?" (Mothering, as you are probably aware, is a very, very progressive parenting mag that embraces "natural" family lifestyles).

But he then went on to discuss my concerns, took time to listen, provided me with literature to read, and said that the choice was mine to make even if he didn't agree. In the end I did agree to most of the vaccinations except for Hep B (until he went to preschool at 3). We also slowed down the schedule, so that he would never receive more than 2 at a time.

When my daughter was born 5 years later we really liked the attending pediatrician at the hospital so we decided to make her first appointment with him. I still had reservations about Hep B (which I believed to be unnecessary, especially since she wouldn't be attending daycare), and the rigorous schedule. He said, very respectfully and kindly, that he insisted that all of the children in his practice receive the standard vaccinations. If I was not comfortable with this, he said, then he was probably not the right pediatrician for our family. It was very amicable, and I appreciated his up front honesty. His practice, his rules. We took our daughter to our son's pediatrician whom they both see today.

Parents and doctors don't always agree. Moreover, parents' abilities to educate themselves about vaccines and any other medical issue must create a challenging environment for doctors at times, especially when the internet is rife with both information and disinformation. Nevertheless, is crucial for parents to feel respected and listened to instead of being told, "this is how you must do it, or else". This is true of the vaccines debate, what if a more serious, imminent situation presents? I recently finished a documentary about parents who didn't want to treat their HIV+ kids with medications after doing their own research on side effects. What I found quite frequently was that parents who felt that their concerns were being taken seriously were far more likely to trust and listen to their doctors than those that felt they were being bullied - many of whom dropped right out of the system altogether. Nobody wants that.

Thanks for reading,

Jennifer Wolfe
http://this-child-of-mine.blogspot.com/